


Lachesism

by endlessblu



Series: tumblr ficlets/prompts [2]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Ficlet, Gen, One Shot, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26173930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlessblu/pseuds/endlessblu
Summary: Lachesism: The desire to be struck by disaster – to survive a plane crash, or to lose everything in a fire.Set around chapters 4/5 of KotFE, the early days when Yalla'ra is dealing with the realisation Valkorion is living in her head and thinking back to her experience with him before.
Series: tumblr ficlets/prompts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900717
Kudos: 1





	Lachesism

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: nothing explicit but as it deals with the relationship between the Jedi Knight and the Emperor there are likely themes of abuse present.

Valkorion. That was the name he was calling himself now. It was the same man. The same presence in her mind. Vitiate. The Emperor.

Every time she tried to leave that part of her past behind, he came back and beat her down again. His return on Yavin, crippling her just as she’d finally started to mend. Ziost, that left all of them involved as little more than hollow shells of themselves. 

And now he was unavoidable. A permanent fixture inside her head. Ready to appear at any moment, constantly reminding her of his presence. Never any true silence. Never any real escape from him now.

But it was different from the last time. She still had her mind, just had to share it with an unwelcome guest. In a way that made it worse. At least before she didn’t have to remember anything, be conscious of his presence every waking moment, see his face as she slept. 

She didn’t have to see Lana staring at her the way she did now, sympathy heavy in those fiery gold eyes. She thought of Lana as a friend now, and could put her prejudices aside for the most part, but seeing a Sith wear that expression still felt somewhat wrong. She couldn’t bear that look. Even when she turned away, in the moments when Lana thought she wouldn’t notice, she was still aware of her stares. A blessing of force-sight that felt more like a curse; she always knew when she was being watched. 

Last time she had the luxury of living in a state of unawareness, even if it meant she was trapped and erased completely. She didn’t have her thoughts to herself now, but back then she didn’t have thoughts at all. 

Perhaps she was lucky the last time. Maybe that made it easier.

It was wrong to think that way and she knew it, but she also couldn’t help herself. Was she really that broken that she’d prefer to be lost completely rather than be forced into whatever this arrangement was now? Even though she’d made so much progress in those months before that journey into Wild Space, she couldn’t help but feel this was a punishment. Like she deserved to go through all this pain again. Or worse, like she _wanted_ to.

Losing herself was easy, and the dark side had felt so _good_ when she’d used it before. It made her powerful, it felt so thrilling as it coursed through her. It had almost destroyed her, of course, twisted her and shattered her spirit into pieces, but none of that ever mattered in the moment. Temptation was more powerful than considering the after-effects. She could act on her impulses, bring whole planets to their knees, cripple her enemies without breaking a sweat.

But that would just be what he wanted. 

He made a mistake in treating her as an equal. She would prove to be greater. She wouldn’t let herself fall again, even if just to spite him.

Her path might be harder, but it was her own. It was true to the person she vowed she would be. He wouldn’t be allowed to win this battle again.

**Author's Note:**

> shanfamilydrama.tumblr.com


End file.
